Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
