Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
