My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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