Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Even my vagina gasped.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
