I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
