If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
