Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
