Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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