I'm so fucking centered right now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i will never coherently bang her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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