My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
