now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
