Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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