Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
