I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
