Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
