so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
