Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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