I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
