So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
