I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
