She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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