She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found your dick twin last night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
