I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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