shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
