If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
