I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
