Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
