it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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