shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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