well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
