Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
