Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
