You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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