My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
