I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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