how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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