There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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