don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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