Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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