Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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