All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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