i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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