I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
