That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
