This girl is more easily done than said...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
