what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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