tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
