Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
