highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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