There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
