I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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