no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
