I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
